Doing the Right Thing

It was always so simple for my Dad.  Whatever the problem might be, the advice was the same.  "Just do the right thing," he would say.

This is not good advice for a 5-year old.  I know this because this is the advice I gave a certain 5-year old just today.  It seems that "doing the right thing" isn't necessarily the same thing for a child as it is for an adult.  For all of you who already knew this, congratulations.  You have far surpassed me in your knowledge of children.  It just sounded like such good advice at the time. 

In my efforts to find that little gem of discipline that will finally work and encourage obedience every time,  I go back and forth.  I am, as you would say, both the good cop and the bad cop.  I have been known to both spank and to give a motivational speech.  Today, I chose a mixture of the two with less than favorable results.  Being Tuesday, it was swimming day at Debbie's house in McMinnville.  April and I packed our kids in my van, and headed out for a day of fun in the sun.  Today was even a little more special because Brock and Hallie each had a friend along. 

The good times always begin in the car.  Today was no exception.  Hallie was foul first thing this morning (never a good sign) and before we had even reached April's house, I had to pull over on the side of the road for a stern talk.  Lame, I know.  I should have just spanked her then and gotten it over with, but being the sensitive mother that I am, I was trying to spare her feelings in front of her friend (who was at the time the unfortunate brunt of Hallie's bad mood).  That was mistake #1.  Oh, I hoped that would nip the problem, but then again, I've been Hallie's mom for a while now, and I should have known better.  By the time we got to April's house, you could just see the storm behind her eyes.  My kids got out of the car for a potty break before heading to Debbie's while April and I loaded the car.  We left all the kids alone inside.  Mistake #2.  Mere seconds later, we heard howls from inside the house.  Apparently, Aida had somehow offended Hallie, who decided the proper course of action was to squeeze Aida's head.  Really?  Squeeze Aida's head?  Naturally, I was provoked to exercise my superb parenting skills once again, so from my little bag of parenting tricks, I pulled out the spanking that I should have given her several minutes before on the side of the road.   

There.  That'll do it.  Thinking that was mistake #3.  More brooding on the way to Debbie's.  This time her brooding was accompanied by taunts and smart-aleck comments (I truly do NOT know where that child gets that from...), and after much threatening by me (yet another award-winning parenting technique), we finally get to Debbie's.  I think the gleam from the cold pool on this scorching day had a magical effect on her, and she suddenly became very agreeable.  I call this the Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde Effect.  Much fun was had by all for a good, long time. 

Later, in the house, she decided that it would be a great idea to open the door on Brock's friend while he was using the restroom.  Not so funny if you're a third grade boy at a stranger's house.  Looking in my bag of parenting tricks, I find that now it's completely empty.  I don't know what else to do.  Until I remember my Dad's "Do the Right Thing" speech.  I'm feeling good now.  I know just what to do.  I call her in, sit her down, and have the talk.  It's a simple message, really.  You know, the one where you just tell the kid what a good kid they are and that they know the difference between right and wrong.  You encourage them to think before they act and then make the right choice.  It's simple.  It's true.  It's genius.  The only problem, as I stated earlier, is that it doesn't work on 5-year olds.  Where is my evidence?  Read on.

Allegedly, Brock pinched her under the water.  Witnesses claim that they saw nothing, and the accused vehemently denied the allegations.  The ruling of the court was that Hallie should stay away from Brock for good measure.  Not finding the justice she sought, Hallie took the law into her own hands.  I guess she was going to do what she considered the right thing.  Pretty soon cries of, "Hallie pinched me!!!!" could be heard around the pool.  Of course, I called her over and asked her why she did that.  Her answer?  Sit down, folks.  "Dad said if anybody does anything to me, I should do it back to them."  Dumbfounded, all I could think of to say was, "Your Dad gives really bad advice.  Go sit on the porch until I tell you to get up."  Moments later, I look over and she's sitting just off the porch, mind you, singing happily about the love of Jesus.  Not exactly the kind of penance I was looking for.

Now, let me just say here that I LOVE this child with every fiber of my being.  I could list a million strengths she has, but I told you when I started this thing that I was going to be brutally honest about the struggles I face as a parent.  It's cathartic for me, so if you have it all figured out, keep it to yourself.  I don't need that kind of pressure.  Most days I'm just doing the best I can.

Both girls are spending the night away tonight due to an inservice I have in the morning, and in spite of a very long and trying day, one thing is for sure.  I miss those girls.  The house is too quiet, and somehow I miss every part of them.  I am obviously a glutton for punishment.